The concept of a man hogging the remote is an old wive’s tale – literally.  Face it, the women get their hot little hands on the TV’s main life force just as much as we do – and that can result in a mean-spirited battle for couch potato domination… or perhaps something not quite that dramatic.

Either way, every man could use a leg up on the wife when it comes to the TV – and if I can do my part to help the men of the world survive, then gosh darnit, well… I’ve earned my man card for the week.

Take these TV nuggets of advice – coupling a great MAN event against something that’s syrupy sweet and PURE EVIL a.k.a. something the WIFE may want to see.

TAKE BACK the TV!!

Note: All times based off Eastern Time schedule – Check local listings for channel info

Remote Controlling: The Man’s TV Guide to Outsmart The WIFE

(August 11-15, 2010)

Wednesday August 11, 2010: Primetime

Balance a BEER on your stomach while you watch Jeter and the Yankees take on the Rangers

Two of the American League’s best teams face off, with the “Evil Empire” taking on Nolan’s boys in Arlington.  We’re not just talking must-see baseball, but plop your ass down the couch, see if you can balance a beer on your stomach baseball.

But don’t get comfortable, because that remote could be gone quicker than Ellen could be off of American Idol, because…

8:00 PM on TVGN – French Kiss – Starring Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline

Any romantic comedy that’s based in Paris – the city of love – is cause for a red flag.  We don’t care how bad Kevin Kline’s accent is in this movie THE WIFE is likely to be tempted to switch over.  Besides, there’s a character named Jean-Paul in this flick, and that’s never good.

SIDE NOTE ALERT: How has Big Brother managed to outlast shows like 24, or really any show that has carnage and explosions?  Seriously, if you actually watch Big Brother please raise your hand.  Scratch that… speak up – because I seriously don’t think I know one person that watches.

Thursday August 12, 2010: Primetime

8:00 PM on ESPN – NFL Exhibition – Carolina Panthers at Baltimore Ravens

8:00 PM on GOLF – Live From the PGA Championship

Men: Do your thumb exercises on the way home from work and prepare to get ready to use the “Previous Channel” button on your remote.

First, it’s NFL preseason – and we don’t care if Joe Blow or Johnny Underpants are playing for three-quarters of the game, it’s football and our mouths have been watering for it for months.  Here’s a dose where we could get a peak at Ravens newcomer Anquan Boldin or Carolina rookie QB Jimmy Clausen.

Will Tiger rebound at the PGA or be a train wreck again?

Second, there’s first round coverage of golf’s final major of the year – and people will be curious to see if Tiger will rebound, or continue to be a train wreck.

So, SECURE THE REMOTE because…

8:00 PM on FOX – So You Think You Can Dance – Season 7 Finale

If THE WIFE is hooked on this show, there’s a good shot that you’ll have your hands full, because tonight is finale night.

Personally, I get annoyed when a show that has judges that consistently showers its contestants with kindness.  This show needs a little dose of Simon Cowell.

Friday August 13, 2010: Primetime

Fridays are tough, because we all know there are a lot of different options – so it’s PICK YOUR PLEASURE – and among my recommendations from the sports world include Live From The PGA Championship (GOLF), NASCAR Racing Spring Cup Qualifying (SPEED), Little League Baseball (ESPN) and Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the New York Jets (HBO). There are also a few classic comedies (American Pie 2) and bang ‘em up, shoot ‘em up action flicks (Die Hard 2), too.

Unfortunately, it’s also PICK YOUR POISON…

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED:

8:00 PM – When a Man Loves a Woman – Starring Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia

Damn you, Meg Ryan – you’re up to no good again.  Let’s hope THE WIFE didn’t notice.

8:00 PM – Monster-InLaw – Starring Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez

C’mon now, the New York Jets will never let you hear the end of it if you wind up avoiding Hard Knocks for a romantic wedding comedy.  Oh and I’ll definitely tell Rex Ryan…

Saturday August 14 and Sunday August 15, 2010

Afternoon Hours – PGA Championship Third and Final Round Coverage

Avoid "The Cougar Click": Locklear's not worth getting stuck watching this movie

The headliner this weekend is the PGA Tour’s final major of the year – and by this point, we’ll have a good idea as to whether any of the big names like Tiger or Phil have a shot.

But before then, we must make sure that we don’t need to take a mulligan on remote access…

ESTROGEN COMPETITION:

Saturday August 14, 2010

2:30 PM on Oxygen – The Perfect Man – Starring Heather Locklear and Hilary Duff

Fight the urge to sneak a peak at the cougar Locklear.

3:00 PM on Lifetime – Because I Said So – Starring Mandy Moore and Diane Keaton

Don’t watch.  Why?  Well, because I said so… duh.

Sunday August 15, 2010

You’re likely to get competition from Definitely, Maybe on Oxygen at 4:30pm, plus He’s Just Not That Into You at 5:15pm on MOMAX.

However, if the PGA Championship and other events are not cutting the mustard, then the classic comedy Wedding Crashers is on Comedy Central at 5:30pm.

“Yes! Crabcakes and football, that’s what Maryland does!”

The concept of a man hogging the remote is an old wive’s tale – literally.  Face it, the women get their hot little hands on the TV’s main life force just as much as we do – and that can result in a mean-spirited battle for couch potato domination… or maybe something not quite that dramatic.

Either way, every man could use a leg up on the wife when it comes to the TV – and if I can do my part to help the men of the world survive, then gosh darnit, well… I don’t know what.

Take these recent TV nuggets of advice – featuring the hockey and hoops playoffs (from Thursday May 6^th through the weekend) – and TAKE BACK the TV!!

Note: All times based off Eastern Time schedule – Check local listings for channel info

Disclaimer: To those women that love sports – I know you’re also out there.  We want to build statues for you – OK, maybe not – but hey, you’re pretty neat anyway.

Remote Controlling: May 6 – 9, 2010

Thursday May 6

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Pittsburgh at Montreal (Game 4)

Penguins lead series 2-1

7:30 PM – NHL Playoffs – San Jose at Detroit (Game 4)

Sharks lead series 3-0 – and can clinch berth in Western Conference Finals with a win

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Atlanta at Orlando (Game 2)

Magic lead series 1-0

SECURE THE REMOTE!

It’s going to be a tough night to get control of the TV, what with new episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice during this window… plus My Big Fat Greek Wedding airs on ABC Family as well.

Better call for backup – that’s a triple threat.

Friday May 7

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Boston at Philadelphia (Game 4)

(AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

Bruins lead series 3-0 – and can clinch berth in Eastern Conference Finals with a win

7:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Cleveland at Boston (Game 3)

Series tied 1-1

7:10 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Phil Hughes is slated to face off against Josh Beckett

9:30 PM – NHL Playoffs – Chicago at Vancouver (Game 4)

Blackhawks lead series 2-1

9:30 PM – NBA Playoffs – Phoenix at San Antonio (Game 3)

Suns lead series 2-0

WARNING:

If the wife isn’t into any of the above, you have some competition – as ABC Family is at it again, this time airing The Notebook.  Master the parental lock if you can – because perhaps the wife hasn’t yet.  Oh, and buy some tissues – I hear that one’s extra sappy.

Saturday May 8

3:10 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Boston has youngster Buchholz facing off against New York’s ace C.C. Sabathia

5:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Orlando at Atlanta (Game 3)

The Magic head on the road to Atlanta

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Montreal at Pittsburgh (Game 5)

Penguins at home and could have a chance to clinch series, depending on Game 4

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – L.A. Lakers at Utah (Game 3)

Lakers lead series 2-0

10:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Detroit at San Jose (Game 5 – if necessary)

This game is off the map if Detroit can’t take Game 4

ESTROGEN COMPETITION:

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days is on USA during the afternoon and during the evening games, you may get a fight from either The Bridges of Madison County or The Holiday – which could suit the wife’s fancy.

Sunday May 9

3:30 PM – NBA Playoffs – Cleveland at Boston (Game 4)

Boston will be going crazy with LeBron in town

8:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Vancouver at Chicago (Game 5)

The Windy City is desperate for another title

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Phoenix at San Antonio (Game 4)

The Spurs could be in a must-win situation depending on Game 3

8:05 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Two hot pitchers take the mound, as Boston’s Jon Lester faces off against New York’s A.J. Burnett at Fenway Park

RED ALERT:

50 First Dates is on during the day, and the wife may try and drag you in by mentioning Adam Sandler as a co-star.

For the nightcap, if you want to catch the playoff matchups, you should be on red alert, with tons of problem flicks and shows – such as Little Women (FLIX), 27 Dresses (FX) and an all-new Desperate Housewives (ABC).

If anything, catch yourself a good long-lasting glimpse of Eva Longoria Parker, and be on your merry playoff way.

That’s all for now… until next time – stay tuned – and happy watching.

The concept of a man hogging the remote is an old wive’s tale – literally.  Face it, the women get their hot little hands on the TV’s main life force just as much as we do – and that can result in a mean-spirited battle for couch potato domination… or maybe something not quite that dramatic.

Either way, every man could use a leg up on the wife when it comes to the TV – and if I can do my part to help the men of the world survive, then gosh darnit, well… I don’t know what.

But take the following TV nuggets for the week starting Monday February 1^st:

Note: All times based off Eastern Time schedule

Monday February 1

7pm ESPN – College Hoops

If you’re into the college hoops season this year, there’s a doubleheader on the tube:

Starting at 7pm – UConn at Louisville followed by Texas at Oklahoma State

8-10pm FOX – House and 24

Fox has two of the best characters on TV – Dr. Gregory House and Jack Bauer – both kicking tail in his own way.  This week features new episodes of each show, with House at 8 and 24 at 9pm.

BE AWARE: Don’t think it should be a big worry, but there appears to be a Golden Girls mini-marathon on “WE” Monday evening.  Be advised, the wife may have a soft spot for Bea Arthur and Betty White.

Tuesday February 2

8-10 ABC – Lost: The Final Season Premieres

Men and women rejoice – Lost is back!  You should be in the clear, as the wife likely loves it as much you do.  If you don’t watch it – I’d highly recommend checking this show out on Netflix.

9pm ESPN – College Hoops – A Big Ten Battle

Set the DVR, so you can start up Michigan State at Wisconsin a little late.  It’s gold, you still see Lost and you can speed through the commercials during the game.

WARNING: If the wife isn’t into any of the above, you have some competition – as USA is airing the movie Sweet Home Alabama at 730pm.  You may want to hit up the parental lock and hope the wife can’t figure out how to break it.

Wednesday February 3

ESPNU – All Day – National Signing Day Coverage

The future of college football gets highlighted and this is a big day for many sports fans.

8pm CBS – Super Bowl’s Greatest Commercials

Super Bowl Sunday often features the best commercials of the year, so there’s bound to be a few classics during this show.

8pm ESPN – Heat at Celtics

Dwayne Wade taking on the C’s in Boston?  Count me in.

9pm ABC – Modern Family

Best new show on TV if you ask me – and this night features another new episode

COMPETITION: American Idol (9pm on FOX) – I admit, I tend to enjoy it as well – but it’s likely the wife is hooked.

Thursday February 4

8-10pm – New Episodes of Bones and Fringe (FOX), plus The Office (NBC)

Quality programs, especially Fringe… better get the DVR ready.

8pm ABC Family – Coming to America

It’s one of the best comedies of all time – Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall and more.  The only down side – it’s likely heavily edited, but still worth watching.

8pm TNT – Heat at Cavs

Dwayne Wade vs. LeBron James?  Yep, should be an entertaining game.

9pm ESPN Classic – Red Sox at Yankees from 2004 Playoffs

For those of you baseball fans on the edge of your seats waiting for pitchers and catchers to report – here’s some drama to keep you satisfied, none other than one of the biggest comebacks in sports history, relived.

RED ALERT: Grey’s Anatomy (9pm ABC) is all new.  It’s like crack to the wife – you’ve been forewarned.

Friday February 5

8pm ESPN – Bulls at Hawks

More NBA action on ESPN – and if you haven’t seen this Atlanta Hawks team play, you should check them out.  They’re the real deal.

WATCH OUT! Oxygen is countering with back-to-back chick flicks – The First Wives Club and Steel Magnolias.

Saturday February 6

12pm ESPN – Villanova at Georgetown

Big time Big East battle in college hoops should be a good one…

715pm CMT – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Hey I don’t care if it’s February – this movie is a classic.  “Can’t see the lines, can ya Russ?”

9pm ESPN – Michigan State at Illinois

Two of the best basketball teams in the Big Ten duke it out in Champagne…

WARNING: 8pm FLIX – Elaine Marie Benes may hate The English Patient, but there’s a chance that the wife doesn’t – so be on the lookout.

Sunday February 7

We all know the importance of this day – it is Super Bowl Sunday!

All Day – CBS – Super Bowl XLIV

Noon – Super Bowl coverage begins

625 pm – Kickoff: Saints vs. Colts

If not into pregame…

12pm NBC – Pens at Caps

Everyone knows how hot this NHL matchup has been since Sid the Kid and Ovechkin joined the NHL.  Therefore, this one is worth checking out on top of the Super Bowl pre-game coverage.

SECURE THE REMOTE, FRIENDS! The wife may not think pre-game is a big deal – and therefore may try and pull a fast one on you!  There’s plenty that she’ll be intrigued by:

5pm E! – Sleepless in Seattle

5pm TBS – Failure to Launch followed by Titanic

That’s all for now… until next time – stay tuned – and happy watching.

It’s 4^th and goal – 0:15 to go – your team is down six but piecing together a drive that is clearly one for the history books.  You have seen every second of this masterpiece of a sporting event, and the icing on the cake would be your team escaping with a hard fought “W”.

And that’s when it happens…

She walks in front of the TV right after the snap.

“She” being “the wife” – we’ll call her that.  That’s what the boys call her.  She may be your wife, maybe a girlfriend, heck, maybe even an acquaintence.  No matter what, she’s the wife – and more often than not, she hates sports.

As a result, you see nothing.  All you can see is a silhouette of estrogen – yet you have to gauge the crowd noise to try and figure out what happened that very second.

This is one of MANY examples that the men of the sports world encounter throughout their lives.

We give you “The Wife Hates Sports” – a sports site with a twist, and this is how we’ll build on it from here.

The site will touch on many different fronts, featuring regular sports posts, pieces on the entertainment industry (music, movies, television and more) plus touching upon the relationship side of sports – but don’t fret ladies – it won’t just be like the aforementioned example.  We’ll try and tie in those females that are sports fans, too.

It’s all still a work in progress – but we’ll do the best we can to have as much fun as we can, while hopefully entertaining our readers and bringing in as much audience participation as possible.

On top of the random sports stories that develop, we’ll also be introducing various features in the future, including (but not limited to) the following:

Wife Wire – Live chats during key sporting and entertainment events

Throwing Tomatoes – A KP original from years back – showing disgust for stories in sports

Gold Stars – Another KP original, giving out awards in the sports world

Remote Controlling – A unique take on TV – we’ll keep it at that for now

Wife of the Week – At first, won’t be a weekly thing but we’ll highlight wives – famous ones, as well as nominations taken by our readers

Pick Your Knows – Game predictions across sports, both spread and straight up pick ‘em too

Sexy Seven – Another KP feature from the past, featuring a list of 7 across any topic

And that, my friends is “The Wife Hates Sports” in a nutshell…

So again, we’d like to welcome you to the site and look forward to talking sports and entertainment with you – hopefully in a tasteful, friendly and fun-filled manner.

More to come – stay tuned!